Updated: Mar 13, 2019
This morning I forced my body out of my cosy bed and made the effort to take a walk.
It was something I’d been doing a while back, but for lots of reasons recently lost the energy or the motivation, or possibly both. This morning was meant to be a brisk walk, to get me back into a healthy lifestyle and back to losing weight again. You know, get my goals back on track.
My goals had been placed to the wayside for the last few months, as I found myself in an unexplainable rut.
Living in Bali, my favourite island by far, I should be happy and content. But as is life, it sometimes gets in the way. Missing family and friends can take its toll occasionally, and the curveballs which get thrown at you, knock you down a peg or two. Sometimes you forget to get back up.
It only took me under ten minutes to arrive at the beach, my intention was to turn left and head to the furthest north point and then head south again. My goal was to reach the all-encompassing ten thousand steps.
Once I hit the beach all my good intentions disappeared. It was with a loud clap I appreciated what I’ve allowed myself to miss out on.
I was restricting my everyday life. No one else to blame, this was all on me.
My head, my heart, my choices.
Moments after sunrise, the sky was a glorious hue of yellows and blues, the sun a bright light rising slowly. The water was the calmest I’d ever seen, with no wind at all, the ocean glistened like a sheet of glass. Low tide meant the sands were exposed, shells and stones shimmered in the sunlight.
And I stood there, and I thought…Wow!
All this is on my doorstep. I have this fabulous scenery and an ever-changing vista at my fingertips every single day. Yet, I’ve allowed my head to be ruled by my emotions, my heart to feel heavy and I’ve allowed my body to be weighed down by problems I deemed to difficult to move past. I had closed my eyes. I had spiraled into a place where I questioned every decision I had made over the past two years. I questioned my ability as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend. As a person, as a human being. Eventually, I couldn’t cope with the decision as easy as what to eat. My writing was affected, my relationship affected, my whole life changed.
It’s easy to do, find that you’re in a depressed state, in a hole so deep that you don’t ever believe you will find your way out. I’m not underestimating the power of depression by any means. I understand for some it is a disease that is wrestled with on a daily basis. And it’s so easy to mask your troubles with an ever present smile and say how wonderful life is.
For me, I know I allow my emotions to rule my head far too often. I allow others to crack my heart and dissolve my confidence. Words, whether spoken or written, and actions as well, they have an almighty power to hurt, and as humans we forget the control we have on somebody else’s life.
Kindness should be a given, understanding a person is capable of making their own decisions and choices should be a trait we all carry. Yet, it’s so easy to judge each other, and don’t get me wrong, I am as guilty as the next person.
But today as I stood on the beach, watching the sun doing its thing across a magnificent ocean, I realised this world is far bigger than me. My problems, my issues, are nothing compared to some, and they would be lost in this wonderful wide world we live in. I’m wasting my days by worrying about issues that are beyond my control. I cannot force any person to share the same beliefs as me. Not everybody has to be comfortable with the choices I make, and I don’t have to be of theirs either.
From now on, I will step back every moment when I feel I’m judging a person and allow them to be who they are. And by doing this I would hope I am given the same respect.
That’s the keyword here I believe. RESPECT.
It’s a fundamental human right to be respected, and to respect others. Yet in this modern age of social media and exposed opinions, it’s easy to question, react and hurt somebody’s feelings. Leaving them vulnerable and unprotected with words which carry too much influence, and have the consequence of ruining a person’s life. It only takes a moment to consider the ramifications of how our words will be accepted.
Don’t be the person that smothers someone else’s fire.
Don’t permit the world to do that to you. Believe in yourself, have faith in your capabilities. Consider where you are at this point of time, trust that the universe has placed you there for a reason. You are a beautiful person, and you are amazing.
So, as I watched the sun this morning, I looked around me with a whole new aspect.
When I opened my eyes I discovered temples and flowers and Mt Agung as it poked its head through the clouds. The beautiful Balinese people were waking and beginning their day with their own special rituals. It’s a unique chance I’ve been given to have the opportunity to live in another country. To experience traditions and culture and live amongst it all.
I’m going to allow my heart to live, I’m going to enjoy my life.
We should all do that, allow others to live the life they want. Be there when they need us, support their decisions. Allow them to be who they are, not who you want them to be.
Live, laugh and love. Always
***Special note –To the man I love more than he understands. You always support me, believe in me, through all the times I don’t believe in myself. I thank you. Writing this probably doesn’t mean I will never be at my lowest again, I’m sure I’ll need you over and over. Just remind me I wrote this and, for this one day, I believed you when you told me I was a beautiful and talented woman, and I could be whoever I wanted to be.
I love you. xo